If there was something Joss Wayar could take pride in, it was his determination.
His friends often jokingly referred to him as The Pitbull, because when he had something in mind, he saw it through. Obstacles, roadblocks, or rejections did not matter. His unwavering focus was akin to a bulldozer, a fire blazing down anything that stood in his way.
A trip is not a fall.
Don’t take no for an answer.
Rejection is just redirection.
These were the mantras that ruled Joss Wayar’s life.
That fire helped him, a regular Southern boy, earn a scholarship, graduate from the prestigious Traill International School, win a boxing championship, and eventually become an actor with one of Thailand’s most powerful companies, GMMTV.
As one might expect, that willpower was infused into every aspect of his life. Joss’s daily routine was strict and optimized to maintain the best health and shape. Everything he ate and drank, his training, work, and personal ethics… Everything had to be carefully considered and adjusted to ensure maximum efficiency.
Of course, relationships were no exception.
He had learned the hard way that the people you keep around dictate the direction of your life. That’s why he had gradually curated his friendships to only talented, successful, and inspiring people who pushed him to be the best person he could be.
However, the fact that his heart worked in the same brazen, unrelenting way was an unfortunate side effect.
Gawin Fluke Caskey was a beautiful disaster that shook all his foundations.
One day, they were strangers, and the next, he was the only dot on Joss’ radar.
The first time he met Gawin’s gaze, Joss almost tripped on his own feet, heart in his throat.
Their paths had crossed a couple of times before. They worked in the same company, had a few friends in common, shared a passion for basketball, and took the same singing lessons. They were bound to meet one way or another, but these encounters had been from afar. Seeing him up close and looking into his eyes had been a completely different experience.
Gawin was handsome in a casual, nonchalant way that sometimes pissed Joss off. How could someone look so otherworldly without even trying? How could someone be the most adorable thing and ooze sensual masculinity at the same time? It was beyond him.
Joss had often heard he was handsome growing up. Older people liked to compliment him on his height and sharp features, and girls giggled and pointed when he passed by… but the kind of beauty Gawin Caskey possessed was something else. It was sickening… He fit Joss’ preferences to a T.
Gawin was, however, a tough nut to crack. While he was sunny and amicable to most during social gatherings, his presence remained elusive. He did not talk much, stayed in the corners of any rooms he entered, and usually barely interacted with the world around him. He undoubtedly wasn’t a social butterfly, but his ability to fold onto himself and disappear when nobody was watching was truly remarkable. Sometimes, he managed to blend so effectively into the walls that Joss had to double-check to ensure he had not imagined his presence.
This talent was even more impressive considering Gawin’s innate charisma. His presence shone when he was on-screen or on stage. He was a natural performer, a true artist whose smooth voice had slowly lured Joss to the deepest of depths. When he smiled at you, Joss’ world shone brighter… However, the few times he had tried to reach and touch his light, Gawin had vanished into mist.
Trying to catch Gawin Caskey was like chasing after a rainbow…
But Joss Wayar was not one to accept defeat.
The first time Joss had made the decision to become part of Gawin Caskey’s life, was after a particularly challenging singing lesson. For an hour and a half, he had tried to hit notes only for them to fall flat every time. At the end of the class, he was bitter, his throat hurt and the only thing he had wished for was to release his frustration on a boxing bag.
When he had come out of the room, after sourly bidding his teacher goodbye, a boy was sitting on the floor.
The young man had a head of thick brown hair that covered his eyes. Headphones on, he nodded along to the music, eyes closed, fingers dancing on invisible cords, and his fluffy hair bobbing at each movement. A low hum emanated from his closed lips, and Joss recognized the song he had been agonizing over.
Startled, he stared at the strange boy.
He sounded good. Really good.
Joss’ brow furrowed, his lips tight, and envy growing low in his belly.
After a few beats, the boy finally noticed his presence, raising brown, shiny, but tired eyes toward Joss.
Their eyes met.
Joss stared harder.
Gawin… (Or was it Fluke? Everyone always seemed to call him something different…)
The person who always slithered in his thoughts.
Joss’ heart leaped in his chest.
Gawin had terrible purple bags under his eyes. He looked like he had just gotten out of bed. It was almost twelve, Joss thought, gaze roaming over Gawin’s face. Had Gawin stayed up late?
The object of his scrutiny scrambled off the floor in haste, breaking eye contact.
Joss opened his mouth, his mind racing for a good opening.
Keep it cool, do not scare him off, do not –
“Ah, Fluke! You’re already here, come in.” The vocal teacher exclaimed with a large smile. Then, he rushed Gawin inside the room, fussing over him, while the latter chuckled awkwardly under the attention.
The professor raised his eyebrows at Joss’ frozen form.
“Did you forget something?”
Joss closed his mouth, teeth clenched.
His lips stretched in a stiff smile.
“No, thank you teach’. See you next week.”
The professor patted his shoulder with warmth.
“See you next week, Joss. You made great progress today. Make sure to practice the breathing techniques I gave you, and you’ll do even better next time.” Behind him, Gawin, who was watching the interaction, gave him a small, encouraging smile.
The door closed behind them, their blurred silhouette moving behind the tainted glass of the window.
Putting himself out of sight, Joss impatiently listened to their professor as he rambled, explaining the day’s lesson.
He let out a shaky breath when another voice finally rose in the classroom.
Gawin had started singing.
He began with warmups, his voice gliding through the notes, mimicking the piano perfectly.
Joss listened. Mouth parched.
He had no idea whether he was feeling self-conscious or if the odd twisting of his belly was due to something else, but this emotion led him to stay for the whole hour, ears perked up. Entranced.
Gawin had then proceeded to sing Honeymoon Avenue, the dreaded Ariana Grande song, that would now hold a special place in his soul.
To say that he had loved the performance would be an understatement. One had to witness how the hair on the back of his neck had risen, how his breath had shortened, and his ears crimsoned to begin to understand what he had felt.
“I want this every day,” He murmured in a shiver, savoring the velvety sounds.
That day, his world tilted, and Joss Wayar promised himself he would one day sink his teeth into Gawin Caskey and never let go.
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