The door slid open, and Joss tossed his keys in their usual spot: a pot in the entryway his mom had gifted him. He removed his sneakers, and Gawin, following with heavy steps, swayed as he bent to untie his shoes. Joss caught him at the last moment, eliciting giggles from the singer.
Gawin’s former tension had dissipated during the ride home. He’d stayed quiet in the cab, listening to the radio with a tired grin. Had the commute been longer, Joss had no doubt he’d have fallen asleep.
“Oh, man. I’m so sorry.”
Gawin chuckled, rubbing his red eyes and steadying himself with a grip on Joss’ bicep. His palm was warm and damp on Joss’ skin, his fingers digging in for a beat too long, kneading the muscle.
Joss’ mouth curved upward, eyes widening.
Was Gawin fondling him?
He laughed under his breath and led a finally shoeless Gawin to the living room.
Gawin dropped onto the sofa, sleepy but curious eyes scanning the space. Joss silently thanked the housemaid who’d done a deep clean a few days ago. He hadn’t been home much since, so aside from a couple of dishes in the sink, the apartment was spotless.
“Nice place. Very tidy, warm. It suits you.” Gawin said, accepting the tall glass of water Joss handed him. He downed it with a few gulps and let out a satisfied sigh.
Joss smirked.
With his puffy, pink face, backward cap, and oversized shirt, Gawin looked so much younger. Joss’ fingers tingled with the urge to pinch his cheeks.
His apartment wasn’t large: one bedroom, a spacious living room, and a balcony just wide enough for a tiny table and two chairs, but it was his pride. The condo was his first real adult purchase. He’d used his first paychecks for the down payment and picked every piece of furniture with care. Luke and Force had helped him install the black leather sofa, his parents had gifted him kitchenware, and his long-time friend Kevin had chosen the anime figurines decorating the buffet. Each corner carried love and memories.
“Thanks. I’ll get you some clothes to sleep in. Towels are in the bathroom and toothbrushes under the sink.”
Gawin padded off in his yellow socks, clicked the bathroom lock, and soon the sound of the shower echoed.
Joss opened his wardrobe, picking out a t-shirt and soft grey shorts, ignoring the heat rising at the back of his neck when he fished out a fresh pair of underwear. He shoved the drawer closed, cutting off the thoughts flooding his mind.
Who would’ve thought a casual drink with friends would lead to Gawin sleeping over, in his clothes, in his bed?
Joss froze.
The image hit him: Gawin sprawled in his sheets, wearing only Joss’ boxers, heavy-lidded and smirking, gaze full of unspeakable promises…
Joss bit his tongue.
Get out of your head, Wayar. Don’t be a creep.
He knocked on the bathroom door and hung the clothes on the hook. He barely had time to step back when Gawin peeked out, hair dripping wet, and a cloud of steam still clinging to his skin. He grabbed the bundle with a quiet thank you and shut the door again, leaving Joss flustered.
Joss changed his bed sheets with trembling fingers. If he wanted this partnership to work, he needed to get comfortable enough not to react to Gawin’s every move. Chemistry wasn’t the problem. Every touch, every look, felt electric. What he needed was to understand Gawin: his boundaries, his likes and dislikes, and most importantly, his fears. Their push and pull could only last so long.
“Wow, you didn’t have to do this.”
Joss jumped. Gawin stood near the door in Joss’ pyjamas, looking soft and tired. The towel slung around his neck caught the drops still clinging to his hair.
“Do you have a side you like best?” He asked, brushing past Joss to the bed.
“No, anywhere is fine.”
Joss watched him climb on the far side, near the window. Gawin stretched out, arms and legs wide, sighing with content.
“God, this bed feels like a cloud,” he mumbled through a yawn.
Joss smiled, muscles loosening at the sight of his partner getting so comfortable. He adjusted the pillows and covers before grabbing his own change of clothes.
“I’m going to shower. Feel free to raid the drawers or the kitchen if you need anything.”
“Thanks.”
Gawin stifled another yawn. He cracked open an eye just as Joss peeled off his shirt. He stared, his gaze roaming over Joss’ chest, shoulders, pecs and abs, laser-hot and lingering. Joss stood taller, muscles tightening instinctively. Heat rushed south, adrenaline sparking under his skin. Gawin raised a brow, licked his lips, then hummed and looked away.
“What?” Joss asked, voice husky.
Gawin slipped under the white covers, bundling himself up like a burrito.
“Nothing,” His eyes squinted, covered up to his nose. “I’m going to sleep. I’m beat.”
Joss barely concealed his disappointment, shoulders slouching. What was he expecting?
“Oh, okay. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Silence fell, thick and gloomy.
The sheets bristled.
Joss turned off the lights, his steps light on the wooden floor. A few rays of streetlight filtered behind the curtains, Gawin’s silhouette barely visible in the darkness.
Joss was nearly at the door when Gawin’s muffled voice slipped out from beneath the blanket.
“Joss,” he said slowly, like he wasn’t comfortable with the sound of his own words. “No funny business.”
Joss scoffed, startled and slightly offended. “I could say the same thing to you.”
People often said that when one sense dulls, the others sharpen. That’s why people close their eyes to listen better. Joss didn’t need that trick, he heard every syllable Gawin breathed. And in the dark, it felt as if Gawin was whispering directly into his ear.
“True. Very true.”
Joss shivered.
Then Gawin rolled onto his side, turning his back and sealing the discussion once and for all.
***
Joss woke up to the bed dipping under him.
He blinked dazedly, eyes adjusting to the darkness. He could barely see his own feet. A sudden touch on his thigh made him startle. Someone was straddling his waist.
Gawin.
Lips pressed to his, capturing his mouth in a soft kiss. Joss opened wider, trembling when Gawin’s tongue brushed against his.
He moaned when fingers traced the curve of his abdomen, playing over the taut muscle. The bedsprings creaked as he reached for Gawin’s neck, dragging him closer, deepening the kiss. His hair was still damp, smelling of Joss’ shampoo. Joss inhaled greedily, one hand sliding the curve of Gawin’s back. His palm landed on bare skin. Soft. Supple. Naked.
The thought barely registered before Gawin’s hand slid between his legs, cupping his hard length. Joss sucked a shaky breath, back arching off the mattress. His lips quivered, another moan ripping from his chest.
“Gawin?” he croaked.
As his vision cleared, he caught the wicked tilt of Gawin’s smile, cheeks tinted by a faint orange glow. Taunting.
No funny business.
What was this then?
Joss jolted when Gawin tugged harder, thumb circling his slick tip, skilled fingers working him agonizingly close to the edge. His whole body quaked, feverish.
Then lips trailed down his throat, tasting the skin, sucking bruises, and licking them pink. Joss groaned. Body on fire, every nerve sparking, and his body a live wire under Gawin’s hand, Joss writhed, heart thudding maddeningly. Impatient, he shoved his boxers down, spreading his thighs, hips thrusting to meet the strokes.
A chuckle ghosted against his jaw. Gawin trailed tender, smothering kisses back to his mouth. His free hand drifted to Joss’ chest, teasing until his nipple peaked. Joss cried out when Gawin pinched the button of flesh, the mix of pain and pleasure shattering his inhibitions. Gawin seized the opening, capturing his tongue between his lips, stroking him in rhythm. Joss had never seen, had never felt something this hot. He’d have come right here and there, had the merciless grip at his base not kept him from spilling over.
Then Gawin pulled back, still straddling him. He sat on his heels, breathless and smiling like a sin. Joss stared, lust-hazed, as he reached for a familiar bottle from the nightstand. His lube.
Joss swallowed hard, hips jerking in anticipation.
“Okay?” Gawin murmured, dropping a quick peck to his lips.
Joss nodded feebly, stunned. “Y-Yeah.”
Gawin beamed, canines flashing.
Slowly, Gawin sank down, heat swallowing Joss inch by inch, parting easily around him. Joss gasped, fingers clasping his hips tight. Yes. God, yes.
He rolled his body with steady grace, pumping his own length as he slid up and down, throat flushed and eyes gleaming. The sight, the tightness around him, drove Joss mad. With a growl, he flipped them, pressing Gawin into the mattress, spreading him wider, thrusting deep. Swallowing his moans, Joss pounded harder as nails raked down his back. The raw, desperate sounds Gawin made were like his ears.
With his thrusts quickening, Joss devoured the sight of Gawin coming undone beneath him, heat spilling across his torso as he clenched tighter around Joss…
***
Joss startled awake, chest heaving.
He wiped his damped forehead with a trembling hand, his mouth set in a thin line. Glancing to the side, he found Gawin sleeping peacefully, tucked securely under the covers. Joss winced. His underwear clung uncomfortably to his skin, sticky with the evidence of his dream. Slipping quietly out of bed, he padded to the bathroom. Once locked inside, hidden from prying eyes, he knocked his head against the door a couple of times.
What the actual fuck?
He tore his clothes off, shoving them inside the washing machine, then hopped into the shower. He couldn’t believe it. What was wrong with him? His dreams had never gone that far before. The images, the sensations were so vivid that the climax had shaken him to his core. Why now? Why tonight of all nights with Gawin sleeping just mere centimeters away?
What was he? Fourteen?
Heat flooded his face at the thought, and he turned the water to cold, scrubbing his body raw, furious with himself. He was lucky Gawin hadn’t woken up. What would he have thought? Joss clenched his teeth. He would have never forgiven himself.
When he stepped out, his skin burned from the rough scrubbing. He checked the clock: 6 AM. The night had been short. The purple shadows under his eyes testified to that. Still shaken, Joss shoved himself into workout clothes and jogged to the nearest gym. He needed to let the restless energy out before it swallowed him whole.
***
After an hour and fifteen minutes of lifting weights as heavy as him, Joss trudged back home a strained, sweaty mess. The workout was blissfully exhausting, and he was so pumped on adrenaline that even the scorching remnants of his dreams couldn’t stir his libido.
He grabbed two to-go breakfasts of congee, eggs, and braised chicken, and walked back to his condo, determined to act like a reasonable adult instead of a hormonal teenager.
Peeking inside his bedroom, he was relieved to find it still wrapped in darkness. Gawin was tangled in the covers, brown hair spilling out across Joss’ pillow. The sight stirred something deep inside of him. In a world where life was easy and rose-coloured, he’d wake up to this view day after day. He’d slip back under the covers, arms around Gawin’s waist, press against his back, and kiss him till he fluttered awake. But reality wasn’t that kind. Joss quietly shut the door and headed for his second shower of the day.
One glance in the mirror made him grimace. He looked wrecked. Eyes bloodshot, skin pale, and body already aching from the workout. He stripped and stepped under the spray. The warmth loosened his muscles, rinsing away his exhaustion. He savoured every minute, closing his eyes under the stream as stress and shame flowed down the drain. When he finally shut off the water, he felt steadier, ready to face Gawin.
If he remembered correctly, Gawin had an appointment at 11 AM at the company’s headquarters. He’d told Joss he wasn’t much of an early riser, so Joss figured he’d be out cold until then, catching up on sleep after last night’s drinks.
But when Joss walked into the living room with nothing but a towel around his waist, he froze. Gawin was awake.
His phone hummed a slow rock tune as he hummed along, setting the table. Congee sat neatly in the center with chopsticks and spoons set for two. Warm morning light streamed through the windows, gliding on his still sleepy face, soft hair sticking in tufts. The scent of fresh coffee drifted in the air, the machine Joss hadn’t used in ages, frothing excitedly, mixing with the hum of the microwave.
The scene was so unexpected, so domestic, that Joss was left speechless. He memorized every detail, heart throbbing painfully in his chest.
Gawin finally noticed him standing there, dripping and half-naked. He stilled. They stared at each other for a long, awkward minute before he swiftly looked away.
“Morning,” he said, voice husky with sleep. He poured himself a tall serving of coffee in a Dark Vador mug, Joss’ favourite. He leaned against the counter, ankles crossed, and took a sip of the fuming drink.
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Joss asked, still baffled by how easily Gawin moved around his house like it was his own. He stayed rooted in place, towel slung low on his hips.
“Amazing,” Gawin’s lips curved up. “I might try to steal your bed.”
Joss smiled back. He hadn’t dried himself properly, and droplets traced down his spine, tickling along the small of his back.
“You can sleep with me anytime you want,” he blurted before he could stop himself. Gawin gaped at him, ears blooming scarlet. Joss pressed his lips together, embarrassment hitting like a punch. What was he saying? “I mean- here. Sleep. In my bed.” Each word felt like a nail hammered into his coffin. He laughed awkwardly, rubbing his nose, wishing the floor would open beneath him.
Gawin chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, got it.”
His glittering eyes shifted to the ground.
Joss’ stomach tightened as Gawin’s gaze dragged slowly up his body. Calve, thighs, the trail leading to his navel… Like a caress without touch. He froze, transfixed, lips parting, pupils dilating. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, fingers twitching against the mug.
Damn.
Joss’ breath hitched. He couldn’t look away from the bob of Gawin’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed, slow and heavy.
It was one thing to admire Gawin, to be undone by his beauty, his voice, his raw talent. But to have him staring back with that kind of hunger… It was the most exhilarating, dangerous thing Joss had ever felt.
Joss’ shifted over his hips, the plushy, navy fabric shifting almost imperceptibly.
Gawin didn’t miss it.
His breath caught, and his eyes darted down.
Heat shot up Joss’ neck. Boldness surged through him before doubt could smother it. He bit his lower lip and stepped closer, dimples flashing. “We do need to work on our chemistry, don’t we?” His tone was light, but the air vibrated with unspoken intent. He continued, his deep voice barely above a whisper. “What did Book say again?”
Gawin wasn’t fooled. He clutched his mug tighter, fingertips whitening, mouth opening and shutting like words were trapped in his throat.
Joss closed the distance, bare feet padding across the wooden floor, leaving a faint trail of water.
“Joss…” Gawin warned. Pleaded.
“Yes?” Joss’ voice came out husky, breathless. He stopped in front of him, their bare toes just an inch apart.
Gawin’s back stiffened. His forced composure wavered, his smile faltering.
Joss gently plucked the mug from his hands, set it aside, and leaned in, bracing his arms on either side of the counter.
The microwave beeped. Neither of them moved.
Gawin inhaled sharply and turned his face away, ears the colour of cherries.
Joss’ gaze darkened. He wanted to bite them, lick a trail down Gawin’s throat, and taste every inch until he begged.
Instead, he brushed his nose along Gawin’s cheek, breathing him in. Flowery detergent, coffee, and the unmistakable scent that was just him. He smelled like home. Like love. Like he was alreadyJoss’.
Perfect.
Joss pressed his lips against the soft skin of Gawin’s cheek.
Gawin’s breath hitched.
Joss kissed him again, just above the corner of his mouth. Gawin tilted toward him, lips quivering.
Cupping his face, Joss drank in his expression. He’d never get used to this face. To this beauty.
He drifted closer, drunk with want, lips brushing…
“Don’t.” Gawin’s whisper cut the air, so low that Joss almost missed it. He hand pressed weakly to Joss’ chest, fingers curling against the skin.
Joss stilled, pulling back with wide eyes.
“Why?” His voice cracked with frustration. He just couldn’t understand. Gawin wanted this. Joss could feel his hardness against his thigh. Then why?
“Just don’t.” Gawin sighed, and this time he pushed.
Joss stumbled back, heart clenching.
Was he still stuck on someone else? On Podd? Or was it something else?
“I-I’m sorry…” He stammered, helpless.
The microwave beeped again. Gawin seized the distraction, opening it to pull out the plate of braised meat. He set it on the table, avoiding Joss’ eye..
“It’s okay, it’s me… Just-” Gawin raked a frustrated hand through his strands. “Go get dressed. Let’s eat. Please.”
The last word was a plea.
Joss deflated, throat tight.
He fucked up.
Again.
He obeyed, leaving Gawin alone in the kitchen, confusion gnawing at his chest.
***
Joss picked at his plate.
He had no appetite, but still he shoved a spoonful of chicken into his mouth.
Gawin had barely touched his food, either. He sat lost in thought, knee jiggling under the table, lips sealed shut.
Music dripped from his phone, slow and melancholic, filling the silence.
Joss tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling as he forced the food down. He usually loved meals from that truck, but today it tasted like cardboard, bland and dry.
He’d thrown on sweatpants and a black hoodie. All the heat that had burned between them earlier had vanished. Now, he felt cold, a chill seeping straight into his chest.
He risked another glance at Gawin, who was deliberately avoiding eye contact. Since Joss had returned, Gawin had hardly said a word.
Joss rubbed his mouth and set his spoon down.
It was suffocating.
He couldn’t take it anymore.
For the first time since he’d started chasing Gawin, Joss let himself feel angry. He needed answers. They were partners, now. Working under these conditions, with these constant half-truths, would be a nightmare. Their undoing.
Joss had thought he’d be strong. Patient. Patient enough for Gawin to open up to him on his own. But at this moment, with his heart twisting painfully in his chest, he wasn’t sure he could take it anymore. It hurt too much.
He could handle rejections. Even denials. But not the uncertainty. That was unbearable.
He loved Gawin. He really did. He’d accepted that truth for a while now. He wanted Gawin. But he also wanted him to thrive, for his smile to never fade, for all his dreams to come true. But how could Joss do that if Gawin kept shutting him out? If he knew nothing at all?
“What’s wrong?” He blurted.
Gawin looked at him, torn.
He lifted his mug to his lips but didn’t drink. He held it still, the rim half-hiding his face as if it were a shield. As if the cup itself could protect him. Protect him from Joss.
The sight made Joss wince, his throat tightening painfully.
Had he really fucked up that badly?
“I’m sorry if I crossed a line,” he said, voice thin as paper. “I thought you wanted it, too…”
Clenching his fists under the table, Joss lowered his head, suddenly incapable of meeting Gawin’s eye. Anger, shame, and anxiety tangled inside him, pulling him in opposite directions.
“It’ll never happen again, but please… I need you to help me understand. This is driving me crazy,” His voice shook, trembling like a leaf in the wind. His eyes prickled.
Gawin sighed. His shoulders slumped, defeated. He set the mug down.
His eyes glistened with remorse, and Joss’ already wounded heart bled harder. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Gawin said, sinking deeper into his chair.
He dragged a hand through his hair, gaze flickering up, conflicted and lost. His face was shadowed, turmoil etched into his features. Thoughts tumbled behind his eyes, but his mouth stayed shut.
Joss’ stomach churned. For a moment, he regretted bringing the matter up. Did he really want to hear the truth? Did he really want to watch his feelings crash and burn?
“Then what?” Joss still pressed after agonizing minutes. Yes, he needed to know. Even if it hurt.
Another sigh.
“I told you… It’s me. You. You’re great.”
Joss looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I like you. I really do. And I’m glad to be working with you but-“, Gawin faltered, stumbling over the words. “We make a good team, and I’d like us to keep working together for a long time. I just… don’t want this-,” he gestured between them, “to fuck things up, man. I can’t do it anymore.”
Joss blew a tense breath. He stayed silent, letting the words sink in.
“Is this… Is this what happened with Podd?”
Gawin grimaced at the name. He didn’t confirm, didn’t deny, but the answer was written all over his face.
Joss nodded, exhausted. “Okay.”
A cloud shifted. A ray of sunlight broke through the window, bright and burning, blinding him for a second. Dust floated in the beam, light and carefree. He wished things could be that simple. Why was it always a struggle? He’d known Gawin for years. Had loved him for almost as long. And now, when things finally lined up for them to be something, another barrier rose between them. Higher than ever.
Gawin chewed his lip, jittering more anxiously with each second of silence, clearly unused to Joss not speaking.
Joss pursed his mouth, brows furrowing. “I’m not the same, you know,” he said at last, clasping his hands tight on his lap.
Gawin’s eyes widened. “I know.”
Joss nodded, satisfied that at least this much was clear.
Another pause. Gawin raised a confused eyebrow, expectant despite himself. He flinched when Joss’ eyes locked on his, unwavering. Backlit by the sun, Gawin was nothing but a shadow. But the longer Joss stared, the clearer he became. Stricken. Mouth slightly agape. A perplexed line across his forehead.
Joss licked his lip.
He was tired of tiptoeing around things. He’d tried that. It hadn’t worked.
“I like you,” he said, his voice steady in a way that surprised even him.
Gawin quailed, startled. “I- I like you, too,” he whispered, unable to break the stare.
Joss shook his head. He leaned closer. He was done acting small.
“No. I really like you. I want to be with you.”
Gawin looked as if the words had slapped him.
“I know,” he whispered again, a pained smile tugging at his mouth.
Joss felt his chest split open. Gawin, holding his bleeding heart between trembling fingers, ready to lock it away. Joss couldn’t let him.
He pushed to his feet, rounded the table, and stopped beside him. Though he was now dressed, covered from head to toe, he felt more vulnerable than ever. Feelings laid bare and raw.
“My feelings don’t change anything,” he said firmly when Gawin looked up in wonder. From this angle, every flicker in his expression was crystal clear. Confusion. Excitement. Endearment. Fear… Joss saw it all. “Whatever happens, whatever you decide… We’re in this together. I’m not going to let you down. I’ve got you.”
Gawin nodded slowly, cautiously, but an unmistakable feeling danced in his eyes.
Hope.