Chapter 11

“Come on, you can do it. One! Two!”

The boxing pads thudded in quick succession.

“Again! One two!” Joss shouted, lifting one hand after the other.

The girl in front of him was an awful shade of red, her long dark hair stuck out around her face. But she kept going, striking with all the energy she had left. Joss could see that she had almost reached her limits, but she kept fighting. That was something he admired: her fighting spirit.

Dear was a strange girl.

Sammy’s friend, the girl who had texted him a few weeks prior, had become somewhat of a friend. Turned out she had contacted him for boxing advice. She was a model auditioning for her first acting role and needed his help preparing for her part. Sammy had built a bridge between them by giving her his Line.

During their text conversations, she had seemed genuine in her interest. While Joss was mindful of who he let in his circle, he knew that Sammy, even though she was a wild character, would not put him at risk by giving his contact to just anybody. After a few days of good-natured back-and-forth, he had offered to have her join him at the gym.

His schedule was pretty empty these days. My Golden Blood had yet to receive official filming dates, and Joss was growing impatient. He was tired of waiting around while his friends racked up projects. He’d done enough idling.

Even Gawin barely had any time to spare him. Since the night at Kevin’s, the air between them had cleared, but the singer was busy promoting his latest series, Be My Favorite, and they didn’t have much time to hang out. Joss missed him. He missed his smile. His voice and the way he squinted his eyes when he pretended Joss’ jokes weren’t funny.

Maybe that was for the best because Joss, as Fai had advised him to, was taking a step back, giving Gawin breathing room.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, the idiom said.

Joss just hoped it wasn’t only on his part.

Sometimes, he fantasized about bursting at Gawin’s door unprompted just to see his face.

But Joss was doing none of that. He was cool. Totally chill.

“A Pitbull being trained to wait for food,” Force had teased him, holding his middle with laughter. Joss gritted his teeth. It was a dumb metaphor, but it annoyingly resonated.

“Okay, I think we’re all set for today,” Joss said at last, removing his punch mitts.

Dear dropped to the floor, panting. “Oh my god, you maniac! I almost died!”

With arms sprawled and legs awkward, she looked like a body at a crime scene.

Joss chuckled, tossing her a towel, “You did great.”

“Thanks,” she said, patting her red, drenched face. Even in this sorry state, she was still one of the prettiest girls Joss had ever seen: large almond eyes, a cute button nose, full lips, and curves to die for. Both cute and sexy. Sammy knew exactly what she was doing.

Dear sat up, her breathing slowing. “Someday, I’ll kick your butt fair and square in a one-on-one, and you’ll regret training me this hard,” she declared with an accusing finger.

Joss snickered and pulled out his cell phone from his gym bag. “Keep practicing and maybe one day you will.”

They had been training for over an hour, and Joss had an appointment in the afternoon for a possible brand deal he was excited about. He had a couple of hours to get ready before heading to work. He smiled when he spotted a new message from Gawin: “Basketball, tonight?”

“Sure. Meet me at 6?”

A response came quickly in the form of the familiar thumbs-up emoji.

“Why are you smiling like that? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Dear said, looking up at him with a mischievous grin.

Joss glanced at her, rubbed his nose, and looked away, schooling his expression into a cool mask.

“I don’t,” he said, gathering his belongings. Dear pushed herself up and stepped closer, the exhaustion from minutes before already dissipating at the prospect of probing Joss’ love life.

“A boyfriend, then?” she insisted, trotting behind him as they walked to the changing rooms.

Joss stayed silent. He cracked open a protein bar and offered her one as well.

“You really have a boyfriend? Damn, Sammy is going to be disappointed. She was really rooting for us,” she said, taking a bite of her almond and strawberry bar.

Joss rolled his eyes but smiled.

“Don’t you have a partner, anyway?”

“It’s complicated. We’re on a break right now. They need space.”

Joss shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Don’t they all?”

Let him come to you. Give him space. Be patient… At least Joss wasn’t alone in the waiting game.

Dear lifted an eyebrow at his frowning face, “What’s going on? Is there trouble in Paradise?”

Joss let out a long sigh.

“No… Yes.” Joss scratched his temple. He really didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “Just like you. You know. Complicated.”

They stopped in front of the changing rooms, gendered doors on opposite sides of the corridor.

“Sucks to be us,” Dear declared. They exchanged a long, dejected look before the girl gave him a pitying grimace. “Is he not into guys?”

Joss’ mouth stretched into a tart smile.

Thank God, that wasn’t the issue, but maybe that would have been easier. Maybe Joss could have moved on if he and Gawin had no chance to begin with…

Or perhaps not, his brain supplied unhelpfully.

“That’s not the problem…”

“Is he married?”

“No! Oh god, no!”

“What? You’re going to tell me that a gay guy is not into you? Joss Wayar? Is he blind?”

This time, Joss couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s scandalized expression. He turned around, putting his hand on the doorknob. He really needed to get going.

“Joss,” Dear called him before he could disappear into the men’s room. “I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I’ve seen what a good guy you are. You deserve someone who loves and respects you, not someone who leads you on.”

Joss’ eyes widened, surprised before softening.

“He’s not leading me on… but thank you.”

 

 

***

 

 

 

Thud. Thud.

The basketball passed through the hoop with a bristle of ropes. Joss ran to catch it and, with a leap, shot another score. Gawin had just landed a three-pointer, but with this hoop, Joss was still in the lead.

Gawin ran a hand through his hair with a toothy grin, adjusted his headband, and Joss tossed him the ball.

They’d been playing for almost an hour. Both were sweaty and exhausted, but smiles hadn’t left their faces since the game began.

“You’re not gonna win,” Gawin taunted him as he dribbled the ball between his legs. He made a move to pass Joss’ defence, but his opponent was an impenetrable wall.

“Oh, really? I could have sworn I was the one with the higher score,” Joss said, shadowing Gawin’s every step.

“I was going easy on you, man.”

Gawin tried a feint, but Joss wasn’t fooled. He was starting to understand the way Gawin played. The singer always started a feint with his left foot, tilting his body a little too far to the side to look natural, hands holding the ball close to his chest, wrists angled right. It was an unconscious habit. Joss would have to tell him someday, especially since they’d be playing together for the Huskies. But for now, Joss was happy to keep this to himself, especially if it meant beating Gawin’s ass on the court.

“Sure…” Joss drawled. “Maybe you should start playing seriously, ’cause you haven’t won a single game today. It’s okay, though. I’m just better, there’s nothing you can do.” Mimicking Gawin’s characteristic move, he wiggled his eyebrows tauntingly.

Gawin chortled, pushing Joss’ chest with his shoulder. “Oh, okay now, big boy. It’s over for you.”

It was fun to be back in this carefreeness. When they were on the court, it was easy to forget the tensions, the problems… Still, Joss couldn’t help but think about Dear’s words. Was he being led on? No, Gawin wasn’t that type of guy. But sometimes, during the game, Gawin got a little too close to be just friendly, unsaid things glinting in his eyes. The kind of look that made Joss’ stomach tighten in knots.

Did Gawin forget that he was the one who had drawn a line?

That he was the one who had told Joss no?

In these moments, stopping himself from grabbing Gawin’s jersey and kissing him senseless was a struggle.

“So who’s the loser, now?” Gawin taunted half an hour later.

They sat side by side on the shiny green flooring, legs stretched in front of them, spent.

The gym’s last remaining client, a regular, waved them goodbye. They waved back.

“I had to let you win the last game. It was getting kind of pitiful,” Joss said, stretching his strained muscles.

Gawin bumped his damp shoulder against Joss’, chuckling.

“Asshole.”

“Just talented.”

“Cut it out, or Mr. Talented will have to walk home tonight.”

Joss made an overly dramatic, shocked sound. “What? I know you’re not that petty.”

Gawin’s answering smile was large and toothy. Wild.

“You’d be surprised,” he countered, taking a sip of his fluorescent electrolyte drink.

Joss raised his hands in surrender. Gawin, he was learning, was not to be messed with.

Gawin laughed at his prompt retreat, then closed his eyes, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Are you excited for next month’s event? The fans are finally going to see the trailer.”

The annual GMMTV event was approaching quickly, and with it, the reveal of their project. They already had appointments with stylists to discuss the day’s outfit – vampire-themed, of course – and had talks with the marketing team. Joss’ pulse picked up whenever he thought about the announcement. Finally, things were getting real.

“So hyped,” Joss said breathlessly, images of them standing on stage flooding his mind. “I can’t wait to start filming, too. It’s been so long.”

Gawin hummed in agreement. He crossed his legs, thigh brushing against Joss’, eyes on the ceiling.

The gym, a rehabilitated factory, still had its former piping. Large grey tubes ran above their heads, twisting and tangling in an intricate maze.

“Yeah, fingers crossed it goes well,” Gawin said, a tinge of worry in his words.

Joss glanced at him, surprised. “Why wouldn’t it?”

Gawin met his eye before dropping back onto the floor with a sigh. He crossed his fingers behind his head and leaned against his backpack.

“Well, you never know. People could hate the trailer and decide to cut the series.” He said it in a flat, matter-of-fact tone that made Joss recoil in shock. Joss turned, dropping onto his forearm to see Gawin better, and scowled.

“Wow. Don’t say things like that.”

“I just like to be prepared, y’know. You can never be sure,” Gawin said with an uncomfortable, apologetic smile.

Joss stared at him.

Gawin wasn’t wrong.

Projects were often announced, then pushed back, and ended up never seeing the light of day. That’s how the industry worked. If the decision makers didn’t smell money, they retreated. Pairing Gawin and him together was a risk. If My Golden Blood didn’t appear profitable enough, it would be the end.

“It’s going to be great,” Joss said anyway, refusing to accept this possibility. “We saw the rushes. They looked good. My fans have been asking me to do a BL for years, and Be My Favorite is doing well. I’m sure people will tune in.”

Joss rummaged his brain for other arguments, but came up dry.

There was no certainty in their world.

“I hope you’re right,” Gawin said, closing his eyes once again.

“I am.” Joss’ certainty may have been a facade, but what was the point of doubting now? They just needed to push through and believe that everything would work in their favor.

Gawin chuckled, looking endeared.

Joss rolled to his back as well, gaze trailing the pipe maze.

There was no use dwelling on negative thoughts.

Silence settled between them.

The gym, with its high walls, amplified every sound.

No music, no bustle of the city, only the bristle of fabric and the echoes of their breaths.

Joss wondered what Gawin’s singing would sound like here.

Gawin looked at ease, face soft and relaxed. His knee was still pressed against Joss’ thigh.

Joss averted his eyes. It was getting late, and he was getting hungry. Maybe they could grab a quick bite before they parted ways. Joss’ fridge was empty, and he didn’t want to say goodbye yet. The ride home always felt too short.

He was about to make the suggestion when Gawin spoke, startling him. “I talked to Podd a couple of days ago,” he confessed without preamble.

Joss’s heart made a sickening leap.

“You did?”

Gawin nodded.

“Yeah. We talked a lot again. There were things we still needed to clear, but I think we’re good now.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Joss said, unable to even force a smile.

It didn’t feel great. His hunger had dissipated, replaced by a strong nausea.

“With everything that’s been going on -some you were unwillingly a part of- I thought you should know… He and I are okay. Back to being friends.”

“Nice.”

The heaviness in Joss’ chest was suffocating.

When had they talked? What exactly had been said? An intense feeling of dread swallowed his voice. Friends? What kind of friends? The kind of friends that slept together like Gawin and Podd used to? Was this why Gawin was telling him this? Was this a fucked up way to tell him to give up?

Joss bit his lip, inhaling a trembling breath.

For a split second, it had felt like the room was spinning around him.

Gawin turned his head toward him, but Joss couldn’t look at him anymore.

Gawin sat up and fully turned to him, breaking their small physical contact. The loss of it left Joss’s skin feeling icy.

Gawin searched and found Joss’ gaze, making sure to hold it as he continued, “He’s dating someone.”

“Oh.”

The singer was looking at him with knit brows, sharp eyes, and a grave face. As always, it seemed he could read Joss like an open book. We’re not getting back together, his brown orbs communicated sternly. Get out of your head.

A warm draft of relief allowed Joss to breathe again.

“Yes, he seems pretty smitten. It’s cute, actually,” Gawin continued with a soft, joyful tone.

The pressure in Joss’ chest released, and the vice around his throat loosened.

“Good. I’m happy for him,” he breathed with a shaky smile.

Gawin shifted, pressing his foot again against Joss’ thigh, and grinned a genuine, happy smile.

“Yes, me too.”

Joss felt his own smile widen in return.

The rollercoaster of emotions Joss had felt in a few minutes should be studied. One moment, he was dropping to the Earth’s center, and the next, with Gawin looking at him with a beautiful, secretive smile, he was springing back up to the clouds. The emotional gymnastics, combined with the physical exhaustion of a long day and multiple basketball matches, left Joss fully drained.

Still, something was bothering him.

“So,” he started, cursing his own curiosity. He wasn’t ready for more emotional pain, but they needed to settle this once and for all. There would be no better time than this. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer, of course. But would you mind telling me what exactly happened between you two?”

Gawin’s smile turned sour, nostalgic. “Ah, I wasn’t very detailed when we talked last time, was I?” He exhaled, running an uneasy tongue over his lip. He sighed, silence stretching a few beats too long, nearing uncomfortable. Joss was ready to retract his question; he knew that speaking – especially about his emotions – wasn’t Gawin’s favorite thing, but then Gawin surprised him.

“Where should I start?” He said, leaning back, crossing his legs and his arms over his knees, but keeping his foot securely trapped under Joss. “He was my first partner, as you know. When we met, I didn’t know shit. Everything was confusing, but Podd was kind enough to show me the ropes.”

Joss edged closer, his hand finding Gawin’s ankle as he listened.

“You know how this works. When the company pairs people up, they hope they’ll become popular and stay together in the long run. It’s a commitment. Now, things have changed a little. They handle things a bit differently. Back then, it was a mess. They were still figuring out the system,” Gawin explained.

Joss couldn’t imagine what the BL scenery was like back in 2018. He had heard how messy it’d been, the trials and errors. That was one of the reasons why he had preferred to stay out of that world.

“We followed what the managers told us to do, and we spent a lot of time together. We did all kinds of things… They even sent us on dates. Like pretend real dates with flowers and candlelight. It was like an arranged wedding. Man, it was so awkward,” Gawin laughed at the memories.

The goofy imagery made Joss chuckle in turn: a young Gawin, forced to sit at a fancy dinner with spotless tableware and a bouquet of roses pushed under his nose. Considering Gawin’s fashion style and demeanor at the time, the image was ridiculous.

“But you know, Podd is a good guy, so it wasn’t so bad,” Gawin kept going, voice trailing. “And then with the workshops, one thing led to another, and we started getting… Physical.”

Joss’ jaw clenched, but he didn’t comment. That image, he didn’t want to think about.

“That’s when – maybe – I started to develop feelings,” Gawin pursed his mouth, visibly embarrassed at the confession. “At first, I didn’t think too much of it. I’ve had crushes on guys before. He wasn’t the first one. But at some point during filming, things started to get confusing,” he said, squinting, piecing the memories back together.

“I got too deep into my character… And then, I was in love for real.”

Their gazes crossed for a second, and then Gawin looked away, a self-deprecating smirk on his mouth.

“My character was a bit of a delinquent, and I started acting out. I felt angry and frustrated all the time for no reason. My mother was… concerned. She even tried to stop me from pursuing acting. Man, it was such a mess. I even tried smoking for real. Thank God, it didn’t stick. But yeah, it was bad.”

Joss, without thinking, had started rubbing the tender skin at the base of Gawin’s ankle with his thumb.

“And with Podd. I got kind of obsessed. I wanted to see him all the time. When I fall for someone, I fall really hard.”

Joss’ heart squeezed in his chest when their eyes met again.

“When I think about it, it’s so cringy. I wasn’t that young. But all of it, the sudden fame -granted it wasn’t much- but I started getting fans.”

Joss nodded.

He remembered the feeling very well. The initial shock, the happiness, the pride, and then the weight of expectations falling on his shoulders. To this day, it was difficult to comprehend that people he had never met cared. People with lives of their own dedicated their time and hard-earned money to him. They believed in him, supported him, and in return, they got a part of him. A sign, a picture, an acknowledgment, secrets… Some even thought they deserved to know things he couldn’t reveal to his own family. It was something you never really got used to.

“It was a lot. Podd wasn’t as bad, but he got caught in the whirlwind, too. At first, seeing each other in secret was fun. I liked the thrill. Everything was new and exciting. But I was losing myself. I was rude, I did things I regret… I wasn’t me.”

Gawin’s body stiffened, haunted, so Joss applied more pressure on his ankle.

“I’ve always been a pretty quiet kid, even during my teenage years, but it was like I was hitting puberty all over again. One day, my mom sat me down and tried to reason with me again, but I got furious. It was all too much,” Gawin said, shoulder sagging. “I remember the shock on her face. That’s when I snapped. I realized something was wrong, so I got my act together and put a stop to the nonsense. ”

He fiddled with his fingers, lost in thought.

“It dawned on me that the relationship I had with Podd was rooted in illusions. When he said he loved me, it wasn’t really me. It was never me.”

Gawin’s complexion had turned ashy, the memory still a red, awful scar on his heart.

“When I found myself again, our relationship felt off, but I persisted. I couldn’t accept that something that had brought me so much joy needed to end. That’s when it started getting ugly. We kept seeing each other after our series ended. Truthfully, I was glad our pair didn’t work out.”

Joss was, too. Imagining a life in which he hadn’t had a chance to know this Gawin – his Gawin – seemed dull.

“Podd kept expecting me to be someone I wasn’t. I couldn’t take it. It felt suffocating. In the end, I repressed my frustration for so long that I exploded. We had a big argument; I stormed out and then blocked his number, cutting off all contact. I know it wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t capable of anything else. It might sound dramatic, but at the time, it felt like survival.”

Gawin finally looked at Joss again, a dark smile back on his face.

“I was mad at him for a long time… For trying to force me into someone else. Now, I know he wasn’t responsible, but it took a long time for me to accept it. I hated myself for still liking him, for not being who he thought I was… He tried to get back to how we were, but he didn’t understand why it didn’t work, and I couldn’t explain. In the end, it was mostly my fault. I fucked up,” he finished, worrying his lip then a fingernail. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see me as less because of this.”

Gawin threw his head back, visibly upset, and Joss observed him. Somehow, while Gawin poured his heart out to him, sharing his insecurities and vulnerable moments, Joss’ own had swollen with affection.

“Thanks for telling me,” he said simply.

Gawin shot him a baffled look, surprised at his even reaction. “Sure, yeah. No problem.”

Joss pushed himself up and held his hand out for Gawin to take it. The other man grabbed it, still looking stunned, and let himself be hauled up.

Once they were, both up and at eye level, Joss clarified. “These kinds of things happen. You have nothing to worry about. It was your first role. I get it.”

He punctuated his words with a light bump on Gawin’s arm, who smiled sheepishly, brow twisted in confusion.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Yeah,” Joss said, grabbing both of their bags and throwing an arm over Gawin’s shoulder.

Gawin let out a bewildered snort, letting himself be led to the exit. “You’re such a weirdo.”

Joss pushed the door open with his free hand.

“What’s weird is thinking any of this would make me change my mind about wanting you,” he said without a pause.

Gawin stopped abruptly in front of the open door. Gaped, closed his mouth, before finally pressing his lips into a thin line, eyebrow raised in wonder.

“You’re mad. How can you say shit like this with a straight face?” He declared with a laugh, all worry melted from his features.

Joss grinned.

“I’m hungry. Do you want to grab a bite?”

Gawin nodded with enthusiasm, finally following Joss outside. “Sure. Pizza?”

Joss growled, endeared despite himself.

“Again? Aren’t you tired of eating pizza?”

“How could I? It’s the best dish in the world.”

“Your guitar, pizza… You’re obsessed.”

“I call that loyalty. And since you lost the game, you’re paying!” Gawin declared, clicking his grey car open, and sliding into the driver’s seat while Joss threw their stuff on the back seat.

“I won two rounds out of three!” He protested as the engine started.

“Yes, but that last game was the only important one, and you lost!”

“Are you trying to use me?”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

Gawin let out a nervous laugh, taken aback, blushing furiously. “Freak.”

 

 

***

 

 

 

A few weeks later, when at an event, he and Gawin encountered Podd, and Joss felt at ease.

No jealousy, no anxious knot twisting his guts, no fear.

He watched as they leaned into each other’s space to snap a picture, serene.

He wasn’t exactly enjoying their proximity, but he sipped his drink and smiled.

He had nothing to worry about.

They were the past, and he was the future.

 

 

***

 

 

It was bizarre seeing himself on screen, all decked out in his broody vampire attire: gelled-back hair, pale skin, golden eyes, and shiny fangs. Joss pursed his lips, not sure if he found himself convincing as a vampire.

The title of the series appeared on the screen in bold, gothic letters, and Joss held his breath. That was it, the world knew that he and Gawin were paired together. They knew about My Golden Blood.

They stepped on stage, blinded by the lights and under the scrutiny of thousands of eyes. He turned to Gawin, beaming. Even though it was just the beginning, the cogs were finally starting to turn.

After the show, a journalist called him for an interview, and to his surprise, Podd was also summoned to join. Joss, chills of adrenaline still running under his skin, smiled at the camera, proudly announcing that he and Gawin were partners.

To his surprise, Podd was also all smiles.

As the interview came to an end, Podd held him back with a hand on his forearm.

Joss raised an eyebrow at him.

“So, a vampire, huh? Good job on the project, it looks cool,” Podd said, shoving his hands in his pockets in a relaxed, confident pose. He looked happy.

“Thanks. Your series looks good too, you’ll be great as a doctor.”

Joss’ compliment was sincere; their previous animosity had vanished. Podd wasn’t the asshole Joss thought he was. What he’d gone through wasn’t easy, and in retrospect, he’d handled the situation admirably.

Joss nodded his chin toward Gawin, who was engaged in conversation with a staff member. “I heard you guys made up.”

Podd looked surprised before his expression melted back into a smile.

“Ah, yes,” he said with a tilt of his head. “He’s all yours.”

Joss snorted.

He had never been discreet in his affection.

“Take care of him,” Podd added, patting his shoulder. “Don’t be like me.”

Joss nodded, watching Podd’s retreating back.

Then, he glanced at Gawin, whose beautiful smile shone even from a distance.

The future is now, he thought as he joined him. And it’s bright.

 

 

***

 

 

 

Life, as it seemed, was set on teaching him patience, because My Golden Blood’s filming was delayed.

After much thought, the directors, in tandem with the writers, decided that the scripts needed reworking, and the project was postponed until further notice.

The news was a hard blow.

And even though Joss tried to keep a positive mindset, his faith was seriously tested.

The series’ trailer was received with much anticipation. My Golden Blood’s genre and unexpected pairing sparked much discussion online, with opinions ranging from extremely positive to dubious to overtly heinous. But as always, jeers felt louder than cheers, and Joss found himself overtaken by doubt.

People dug up his past, made up stories, criticized his skills, and questioned their chemistry, merciless in their criticism. Of course, with every release came some backlash, but after so many months away from the public eye, being suddenly thrust into such a wave of hatred was like being drowned in oil. Dark stains clung to his skin everywhere he went.

So, the delay hit harder than it should have.

Joss was eager to prove to the world that he was not how he was painted to be and that he and Gawin were not a mistake. Together, they were going to create sparks brighter than any other pair before.

“I don’t get why they can’t give them a simple date or a time frame, so we can prepare. It’s like they’re just winging it. I, too, want our show to be the best it can be, but professionalism is important as well. How are we even going to get sponsors?” Joss ranted. He had been going at it since they had left the meeting, furious.

“I know…” Gawin sighed, also dejected. They were in his car, stuck in endless traffic with the AC blasting from the vents. “Let’s wait and see. Even if they cancel this series, it doesn’t mean we won’t have anything else afterwards.”

Joss threw Gawin an affronted look.

Bangkok’s busy streets spread on each side of them in a blur of chaos. Cars, buses, careless motorcycles, and colourful buildings were lighting up as the night fell.

“It won’t get cancelled,” Joss said with much more certainty than he really felt.

“Mmh…” Gawin’s eyes were locked on the road in front of them, on a green and yellow taxi’s back cover.

Frustrated, Joss watched as a motorcycle swiftly passed them.

He wanted to be cheerful, to be the one to give words of reassurance, but he couldn’t, as if a rock was stuck in his throat.

Gawin glanced at him, over his orange frame.

“Hey, don’t worry. It’s going to be okay,” he said, soothing.

Joss’s answering smile was tight. He knew things would be okay. That even if My Golden Blood didn’t happen, they’d still have opportunities to be together in front of a camera. But when? In how long? Joss was tired of waiting, tired of compromising, of putting what he wanted on hold. He wanted this series, and he wanted it now.

“Yeah, I know,” he said instead.

Gawin grimaced, unconvinced.

He was taking the news way better than Joss, way better than either of them had probably anticipated. Gawin was currently busy promoting his latest series, while Joss was occupying his time with boxing and a few modelling gigs. Gawin was out there doing great, and for a moment, Joss wondered if he was being selfish. Was he hindering Gawin’s progress?

The online critics, even though Joss knew they were deluded, sometimes came crashing back to the forefront of his mind. “Gawin’s too good for him.” “Of all people, why did Gawin have to be paired with him?” These hurt the most, because out of all the criticisms, this was the only thing he could do nothing about. He could improve his skills, his appearance, and the way he behaved, but he couldn’t change who he was. Joss couldn’t change the mistakes he’d made when he was younger. Between the false accusations and the demonization of his character, he knew no better way to dilute the venom than to remain silent.

It was infuriating.

Still, he wanted to prove them wrong and succeed despite all odds.

But what if his ego, his greed, caused more harm than good? What if it brought Gawin down with him?

“Hey, so I thought about something,” Gawin said, snapping him out of another downward spiral. “I was planning on going on a hike this weekend. What would you say about coming with me? We could even stay the night, go on a camping trip? What d’you think?”

That proposition had the merit of brightening Joss’ mood.

“Camping?”

Gawin tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the music.

There was a CD player in his car.

Joss hadn’t seen such an antiquity in ages, but Gawin used it religiously. There were several full CD binders in the glove box, but he only had three albums in rotation, and he never got bored with the same songs again and again. Joss was starting to know the lyrics as well.

“Yeah. It’d be nice to get out of the city, get some fresh air,” Gawin smiled.

Joss knew Gawin was doing this for him. He usually preferred to recharge in nature on his own, but this time he was inviting Joss along.

“This weekend?” Joss confirmed, filled with warmth and gratitude, and readily opened his calendar app. He wasn’t going to pass on this opportunity.

Gawin glanced at him. “Unless you already had something planned.”

Joss frowned, finger hovering over the screen. “I was supposed to meet Dear on Saturday.”

The mood in the car suddenly dampened, and when Joss tore his gaze away from his phone, Gawin’s face had considerably darkened. The car started and came to a halt as traffic loosened.

“Dear, the girl you’re training?” He asked, tone flat and emotionless.

Joss swallowed.

What.

“Huhun,” he managed to answer, eyes flickering anxiously from his phone to Gawin’s sour expression.

Gawin’s neck was a tense line.

“Oh then, we can do it another time,” he continued in the same tone.

Joss quickly shook his head.

“No, no, no! It’s fine. I’ll cancel it, she’ll be fine.”

Gawin held his gaze.

“Are you sure?”

Joss quickly tapped a message to the girl in question, not bothering with phrasing or form. “Yep, done.”

Gawin smiled, tension vanishing from his features, as if it was never there.

“Camping this weekend, then!”

They embarked on the highway.