Like the Tide – Part 3

“When are you going to tell him?”

Gawin avoided his friend’s inquisitive stare, his fingers fiddling with the straw in his iced coffee.

Mix and Boom exchanged concerned stares.

The three friends were sitting in a park, under the shade of a Chamchuri tree.

Gawin closed his eyes and focused on the rustle of the leaves. The day was hot but, from time to time, a light breeze caressed his skin, soft and cooling. When Gawin had offered to meet in the park instead of an air-conditioned café, his friends had protested at first. They didn’t want to stay in the heat. But after seeing Gawin, after seeing the way he bristled whenever they met another human, they’d abdicated. Outside, there were fewer people. Outside, the smells, the pheromones were less intense.

Yet Gawin scrunched up his nose. He could handle Mix and Boom’s scents – they were familiar and safe. That didn’t mean they were pleasant.

“Gawin,” Boom insisted. “When?”

His friends had brought the topic up countless times since he’d met his now fiancé, and every time Gawin gave the same answer: “When the time is right.” But that answer had run its course, and it no longer appeased his friends’ concerns.

“Gawin,” Boom started tentatively. “You can’t hide forever, when you… When you’re married, you’ll have to face the truth. Do you really want your life together to be based on a lie? You won’t be able to hide who you are for long. What will you do when the truth ultimately comes out? What if he doesn’t forgive you? You could be sued.”

Gawin, sitting cross-legged in the grass, twitched.

He worried his lips, silent.

Terrible thoughts washed over him every time he thought about Joss finding out about his secret.

A sharp pain sliced his skull, and he bent over, head clutched between his hands, bile catching in his throat.

Without a word, he reached for his backpack, grabbed a small cylindrical bottle, and dropped two yellow pills in his shaking palm. He swallowed them dry.

A vein pulsed on the side of his neck, the skin warming up as his pheromone glands contracted and pulsed.

Gawin covered the tender skin with his palm and zipped his hoodie higher.

These days, his body had its own weather, and despite the warm temperature, Gawin felt cold. One minute he was shivering, the next he was covered in sweat. The suppressants used to help, but their effectiveness had started fading a few months ago. Now, they barely stopped him from losing control during his heat. The worst days of the month had passed, but he was still on edge.

Mix tried to reach out to him, to comfort him. But Gawin bared his teeth, a low snarl escaping his lips.

Cowering, Mix snatched his hand back, but did not back down. He swallowed hard, glancing at Boom, who placed a supportive hand on his back.

“Look at you, you’re making yourself sick,” Mix said carefully. ”You need to come clean about this. But mostly, you need to get help, and you need to tell Joss the truth. Joss’ family is well-connected, maybe he can take you to a specialist…”

Gawin gritted his teeth at his friend’s question, annoyance swirling in his gut. They didn’t understand. They would never understand. Nobody could. No one was like him. They didn’t know what it was like to look at the person you loved and know that one misstep could ruin everything you had worked so hard to build. Others had rejected him when they found out… He couldn’t let the same thing happen with Joss. If keeping his secret was what it took to keep Joss in his life, he’d take it to the grave.

Gawin shook his head, moving out of his friends’ reach.

“Not yet.”

The sound of his own voice grated on his nerves. Every noise rang in his ears, sharp as a knife scraping metal.

Gawin’s vision blurred, then sharpened. His eyes zeroed on his friend’s face, on each hair of his furrowed brow, the sweat beading on his forehead, and the way his pores tightened as his nose wrinkled.

Gawin heaved a breath, nauseous.

Both of his friends recoiled suddenly, clapping their hands over their noses.

Boom’s eyes went even rounder than usual.

“Gawin, your pheromones,” he choked out.

There weren’t many people in the park, but a few turned worried gazes toward them.

A lady, who’d been playing with her daughter, brought the child close to her chest and slowly backed down to the park’s exit. As she was leaving, her glowing, orange eyes didn’t leave Gawin.

Gawin pulled his hood up and stood abruptly, startling his two friends.

“Sorry,” he said, his voice husky. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Boom and Mix watched him leave, orange and blue gazes trailing his retreating form.

Hey, everyone!

In this part, we dive a little deeper into Gawin’s life, and our boy has a huge secret!

I hope you enjoyed this short update. I’m sorry I couldn’t post it sooner.

I took an impromptu trip to France to visit my family, and I’ve been moving around a lot to see my relatives. I’m having a great time, but it’s also been pretty exhausting, so I haven’t had as much time to write as I’d anticipated. I’ve been using every commute (planes, trains, cars…) to squeeze in a little writing so I don’t lose my momentum. I’m hoping to update CINAS next week! Fingers crossed.

On another note… how amazing was the concert?! I’m still in awe of all the incredible performances JG gave us! Every song choice felt like they were sharing a little piece of themselves with us. I loved it!

My favorite moments were: rapper Gawin, Joss playing the electric guitar while Gawin drummed, JossLego (JOSSLEGO!!!! LEGO, MY STAR, YOU ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT BEING!), and the Summer/Just You mashup… That one had me sobbing! What an amazing show!

What were your favorite performances? I want to hear all about them!

Have a great weekend, and talk to you soon! 🫶